Frenemies...
My breakthrough came through. Now, it's your turn.
A lot is keeping us up at night literally and figuratively, and almost all of it - almost every restless moment involves people.
So who is keeping you up at night?
The Frenemy Spirit
Whether you are connected through DNA or by a conscious/unconscious decision you made, we all want to have a positive, friendly, amicable experience with those we do life with.
But people can take up a lot of space.
A lot of space.
A lot of time.
A lot of energy.
Perhaps too much. Too much for the effort.
Where is the return on your investment?
Where is the fruit of your labor?
When will they start giving instead of taking?
frenemy* noun
fren·e·my ˈfre-nə-mē
plural frenemies
informal : a person who is or pretends to be a friend but who is also in some ways an enemy or rival.
If summertime is built for laughter, for fun and good times, it's all the more important that the people you share your seasons of rest and recreation with (DNA or not) are truly your friends! And it doesn't have to be summer where you are to have a summertime experience in your life. Real, authentic friendships create spaces
for trust,
for rest,
for safety.
Now is the perfect time to discern if the people in your life are friend or foe.
No more complacently accepting the frenemy spirit as it smiles while subliminally robbing us of peace.
I want to be authentic and transparent with those I call my friends. And I need them to be the same with me.
So how do you know if someone is a frenemy?
Friend or Foe?
friend* noun
ˈfrend
plural friends
: one attached to another by affection or esteem
The word "friend" from an Indo-European root meaning ‘to love’, shared by free*.
Real friendship is about freedom.
Freedom to
fail,
cry,
grieve,
vent,
laugh,
and try all over again
amongst people who will not judge you when you do.
But know this; freedom in relationships is never free.
It will costs you your vulnerability.
You have to have the courage to not face life's realities alone.
Budgeting the Currency of You
True friendship requires a firm foundation to build life on. Let's unpack how not to end up instead with a false bottom to fall through.
You have to budget the currency of you.
In my non-profit, we discuss at length with single mothers the necessity of an effective budget. Not just because of the numbers but because of the peace it brings when you take control of your money versus it taking control of you.
You want peace in your friendships? Budget it for it.
Your time,
your love,
your words,
your skills
are a commodity.
They are the currency of your life.
Good budgeting begins with knowing the environment in which you operate. We start with asking hard questions. One of the hardest yet eye-opening queries you may ask is this:
"How do they respond to my favor ?"
(David) “Who is this heathen Philistine, anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?” And he received the same reply as before. But when David’s oldest brother, Eliab, heard David talking like that, he was angry. “What are you doing around here, anyway?” he demanded. “What about the sheep you’re supposed to be taking care of? I know what a cocky brat you are; you just want to see the battle!” “What have I done now?” David replied. “I was only asking a question!” ~1 Samuel 17:26-29, The Living Bible
David's oldest brother Eliab was family and enemy at the same time. King Saul's son, Jonathon, was a friend that stayed closer than a brother. After his public accusations against David, we never see Eliab again and yet, Jonathon was his friend and confidant unto death.
David chose the better bond with Jonathan.
A Bond by Choice
Whether they be your kin, your skin, or none of the above you have the freedom to choose who you do life with. Authentic friendships bring balance. If you are going to spend the currency of you, make sure frenemies are not robbing you of your investment.
God chose wisely when he chose you to do life with you. Be courageous and do the same in your relationships.
I pray you get the rest you need by making the right choice for you.
*“Frenemy.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/frenemy. Accessed 18 Jul. 2024.
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