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How to Pray for Your Ex


“Thanks for the EX-perience. Our time has EX-pired. Now, EX-it my life.” ~Anonymous

We All Have One...

The infamous "Ex". Everybody's got one, and everyone - including your ex - needs prayer.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. ~ Matthew 5:43-45, New International Version

But prayer creates vulnerability, doesn't it?

The difference with prayer is who you are vulnerable to. Prayer makes you vulnerable to a loving Savior while keeping you safe from the pain of your past.

I am not saying your hesitations are not justified. I am saying God is asking each of us to represent him on the earth. This can be hard to fathom especially if the wounds are still fresh, but this level of obedience in prayer can absolutely change your life. And in no way do you have to interact with your ex or make them feel a certain kind of way because you decide to pray. What you do in secret, Heaven rewards openly. This kind of intercessory prayer is exclusive; just GOD 'n You.

We have a responsibility to pray for those who persecute us, and it comes with great reward.

Praying for your EX-emy places their issues and your pain at the foot of the Cross. The weight becomes what the bible calls "a light affliction". You can share sacred secrets here. No limits. No judgment. It helps you keep your sanity intact and your temper controlled. In other words child of God, this emotional sacrifice is as much (or more) for you as it is for them because you are an heir and you deserve better.

You are a citizen of the Kingdom.

You are a sibling of the risen savior, and since you deserve better, do better.

Live better.

Love better.

Pray better.

Pray Better

What does it mean to "pray better"?

It means your need to please God overrules your expectations for an apology.

Your desire to obey God overrides your desire for vengeance.

Your desperation to live in peace has overcome the opportunity for peril.

This is another example of loving someone from a distance, but do not call it a romantic love. This is agape, a sacrificial love.

When Jesus cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do", it was not to say Pilate or the Jews did not understand their actions. They did not know the magnitude of their acts against the Son of God.

Same thing with you.

They do not know who you are.

People will see you as a bible-carrying, gospel singing sister or brother and still not recognize who and whose you are.

You and I have been graced to pray better so we in turn be also be better. A prayer for your ex (friend, lover, job, family, whatever) in the spirit of agape love is a prayer for yourself.

The enemy tried to use your relationship to steal, kill, and destroy. Scripture tells us Jesus came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. The hesitation to pray for your ex positions you for theft (of your thoughts and peace), death (of your purpose and promise) and destruction (of the good that awaits you).

It is time to make room for Christ. Let's pray.

Father, we know who and whose we are. We are children of the King and we will do what you, our King, has graced us to do.

We will sacrifice our need to see them get what they deserve so we can get what we deserve. We will pray better.

We pray that the "exes" in our lives exhibit better behavior, be better in their relationships, and have a better understanding of the healing they need.

We pray they become better communicators and have better interactions with others.

We pray for better health and mental well-being and better finances.

We pray for a new beginning that we do not have to be a part of.

Father, release them from the strongholds that did not allow them to appreciate the GOD 'n Me. Bless their hearts, they did not know what they were doing. Ultimately, their sin was against you, Lord so I leave the consequences and their deliverance in your hands. Let the lessons be learned by each of us and let no one goes through what we went through.

Father, we lift up their name to you not in vengeance but so that they may be transformed by the renewing of their mind as heaven continues to renew ours. Take the "I told you so" off our lips even if it is merited. We do not want to spend another minute digging a grave for our exes to fall into. Instead, teach us to plant seeds of affirmation for ourselves and our future.

Remind us that every word in frustration is a word against the future and every expression of anger is time taken away from purpose. Help us to purge the poison of the past and live on purpose.

Now, we walk into the light of your love. Bye, bye, darkness. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Next week: Understanding Tongues and Prayer Language Almost every church kid I know has a wild story about how as a child they witnessed someone in the pulpit or the pews speaking in some obscure, unidentifiable language.

What is that?

How do you know if it is real?

How do you know if it is God?

More importantly, do you HAVE to speak in tongues to know God?

God never gave you and I the spirit of fear, so let's talk about it.

See you next week!

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About Phillipa



Phillipa Williams has dedicated her life to building God’s kingdom. A former programs director for new member and Christian education with over 36 years’ experience in leadership and discipleship, she has equipped thousands to serve God and community.

She is the Founder/CEO of GOD n Me International, a faith-based social enterprise equipping and inspiring others for spiritual intimacy, transparency, and destiny. Her blog,, was named one of the "Top 10 Black Christian Blogs, Websites, Newsletters To Follow in 2019“ by In Spring 2022, Phillipa published her first book, GOD 'n You: Finding Your Place in Forever. She also completed the licensing and ministerial requirements at the Potter's House School of Ministry in Dallas, Texas.

An advocate for women and children, Phillipa founded and serves as Executive Director of the 501 (c)(3) nonprofit, ilooklikeLOVE, Inc.. ilooklikeLOVE works to eradicate early childhood poverty through diaper assistance and capacity building for new mothers.


She is the proud parent on one adult son, Kenneth.

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